Scene 1.. Take 1

While John Ford was directing a film for Sam Goldwyn, he fell one day behind the shooting schedule. Goldwyn came to the set and wondered what Ford was going to do to get back on schedule....

Ford asked, "Sam, how many pages a day do you expect me to shoot?"

"About five, I suppose," answered Goldwyn.

John Ford picked up the script, ripped five pages out and said, "Okay. .....Now we're back on schedule.....
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The heroine came late as usual for the shoot and the crew sat there waiting, with no complaints, and even if they had, with no one to hear, it was pointless.... The shoot was for the German Detergent powder TRIL which has Endura 007 ( Now don’t ask me what is that... no questions in stories...) and the heroine, half clad ( again no questions please... she is half clad, regardless of the fact that she is not going to bathe with the detergent but to wash, still have to be half clad and wet, as she is the heroine and was bought to Mumbai all the way from Chennai, (with the client paying through the nose..) will dip dip and dip a dirty cloth into a bucket of water made black and the cloth when lifted will shine – white and sparkling…

Ram was in his humorous best and hence was ok with the fact that the heroine was getting late .Even otherwise it wouldn’t have made much of a difference since Guru was away at the airport to pick up the heroine who was flying from Chennai . She would come, then check into her hotel room and then later come for the shoot. The location was in one corner of the city, the hotel in another area and the airport in some other place.. Mumbai traffic will derail all the plans and the heroine missed the first flight and was taking another flight that could accommodate her, her big mother and her personal make up women who also doubled up as her secretary and chief motivator.

Ram had his mobile singing loud…

Yes Guru tell me… he said

Ram ….. The flight is late… Guru shouted from the other end…. Air traffic congestion….

Not again… said Ram … and when man..? hello hello….

Guru went off air as suddenly as he came and Ram sat there thinking of the expenses that are going to mount up.

Green pepper productions were in charge of the shoot and production works.Ram had chosen them after various faux pas that he had done in the past with various production houses some his choice or the agencies, some the client’s persistence.

Tril had no such insistence except for the director who was of their choice and was a good choice one had to admit...

The phone rang again

Ram Ram…. She has come… shouted Guru..,,, what a beauty ram…. Drop dead gorgeous my gawd….

Shut up you asshole… blurted Ram ….and stop drooling.. come fast…

Come where?... asked Guru… she will go to her hotel now and then come.. You know what she asked me my name… I even told her that before she goes I need to take a pic with her…. and you know what ..she agreed… she even said MY Pleasure…. Ha ha ha … can you believe it?

LORD….. cried Ram…. I can’t believe this … you are true… I can't believe this.. why the hell am I tolerating you….

Ok ok… I know you are jealous…now wait ok…..don’t keep calling… we are going to the hotel and will be busy in chatting … TATA… said Guru as he disconnected the phone…

But… hey… Ram desperately hoped that the guy other side still was there…

All humour had evaporated… Ram stood there burning in the hot sun !!!

To be continued >>>>>>>>>>>>>

and SHIT happened ....Part II

Continued from.....part I...

In advertising, whether it is film or still, what goes on at the back of the scenes is far more out of the ordinary than what you see on the screen......
The day of the shoot all the guys there had fixed jobs….division of labour - Ram style!!!
While the crew would take the shot and direct the models our art director would keep the local children from running into the shot. Ram would make certain that the sofa was set up properly and Guru as a client service guy, would position his fat self on an unsteady chair and hold a small tree branch above the camera so the leaves hung just in the top border of the shot. Precarious it was but the job demanded it and the creative guy in him once a while woke up to support such dare devilry.
The sun was just starting to place and spread a stunning reddish pink blush on the massive windows of the mansion. The female model took her place on the sofa with her glass. She looked gorgeous and stunning. Guru climbed the ramshackle chair with much acrobatic skill on display and remained there balancing and making as minimal sounds as possible…The male model walked into the shot and took his position. A soft breeze came in and soothed the setting
Can we go for the take… announced the photographer…YUP it looks perfect… positions … shouted the director…
The female model charged up and ‘wore’ the looks… her eyes looked the cam invitingly and her cherry red lips said sweet tales to the camera…
Suddenly the lights went dim, as if some one switched it off and the crew in unison looked up…. The sun wasn’t there… simply vanished..disappeared in a fraction of a second …
Ram kept staring the sky, as if that will terrorize the sun to come back…He couldn’t and when his neck pained he slowly came back…
Wait for a min …he shouted…. and asked the director… shud we? Can we???.
Fuck it… exploded Guru,as he threw the tree branch down… his arm had a spasm from holding the branch and his legs in twinge from the circus on the almost broken chair…
Ram looked pityingly….. But lights…..he muttered…
Guru jumped down.. and the crew started panicking as rain clouds began to accumulate…and yo.. thunder… a huge lightning flashed across the skies with an explosive voice falling down the air and directly on to that lawn….
People started running and the folks who had assembled in want of seeing the film being shot.. had all gone ..
The model in her black some thing and the made up face screamed in horror, and started running and no one knew what to do. Ram tried holding her to cajole her but she cried even more loudly as if he had just tried to molest her… Guru started laughing at the show as rains unleashed its absolute supremacy with all its ferocity … The ‘creative’ GURU stood there , and got wet..he loved rains… its music…..its soft touch ….the romance it brings down with its wet arms… the passion with which it swept heat and dust in its wave and vigour with which it replaced silence and calm.…
What the fuck are you doing… shouted Ram as he rushed for cover…no one will go….. no one will go……. he kept on shouting as he ran….
And when it was all over, the crew could do anything there but a photo shoot… the models became unrecognizable and the female was so overcome by shock that she cried and cried and started talking to her mom in her mobile…she looked like a ghost with the make up flowing down and Guru couldn’t control his laughter seeing the girl who just sometime back had made a wow… and had unleashes tones of admiration in the sets….the cameras were wet.. the crew was tired ..the sofa was drenched and the house owner started shouting at the mess…
Get out ….all of you… he screamed ruthlessly…
The pandemonium bought down by the rain had made the shoot an impossible dream even though Ram still thought that they still can give it a try….
No one seemed to agree with Ram….no one even asked him whether it is a pack up or not… The day had ended and ended in the worse possible way…
Back to office… still wet and teeth chattering, Ram, left alone thought to himself as to what next? How could it be re arranged? It’s not easy to put all elements, everyone back to place and shoot it… but it had to be done…
The choice was clear.. There was no choice and he HAD to do it…
When you are bring raped and you know that you have know escape,why make the fuss... why dont lie down and enjoy... Ram sunk into a perverted logic and all the thousand things that vied for his attention waited ....

looking back for related stuff ....1,2,3,4,....

mmm

and SHIT happened !!!

In the beginning was the Idea. ...
And then came the Story Outlines....
And the Story Outlines were without form....
And the Idea was without substance......
And darkness was upon the face of the Writers.....
And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit, and it stinks."
And the Writers went unto the Creative Directors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell."
And the Directors went unto their bosses , saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
And they said to themselves to self assure... "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And then spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And then went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new idea will actively promote the growth and vigour of the studio with very powerful effects."
And the President looked upon the Idea and saw that it was good......
And the Idea became an ad film......
And this is how shit happens......

Ram and Guru were running around working for their extremely expensive furniture client and wanted a little unusual and eye-catching stuff for their proposed full page color ad in a national magazine….Guru reported to Ram and Ram reported to GOD knows how many.. And this shoot and the project was so important that they (READ RAM.. Guru was just assisting him) had bet their lives on it….
Okay what the heck…..,( you feel ?…. ) everybody wants different and stunning, for everything from tires to treadmills, from charities to champagnes….here but we have a case where it meant a little extra. It could lead them into bagging the client’s first foray into TV advertising…. That is, if they did it and did it to the client’s satisfaction….(clients satisfaction is an imaginary entity like orgasm, it doesn’t exist and yet many fake it and worse as Men think we gave it ....agencies too think we gave it……)
Monotony was their selling point and familiarity became their differentiation by accident…
Stuff like “come…. See our price, we got the quality”, everyone looked, sounded and behaved the same…. Ram and Guru were in the team that won the pitch where some 7 ad agencies fought a bloody battle, sweated it out…agencies woke up from slumber, some even from their death beds and got into action. As in any pitch,this one too was a mix of comedy, politics, apathy, late nights, peeping Johnies, blame games, expectations, courage, creative outpour and a lot of celebrated humbug . Agency heads directly ASSume charge, as the client was big,(now a days even for the smallest corporate they do as any business is welcome) - lavishing their divine charm and diplomatic aristocracy-- people were given special charges..
Even expertise from outside was hired (OOF!!!) Individuals were identified for specific tasks. .research guys sprung in action, questionnaires, key boards, assuming, tabulating concluding what the consumers need, want, demand...media guys burnt their midnight and early morn oil to find some media where the new ads (assuming that the account is won) could be placed..Vox pops.. Field interviews..focus interviews... dealer opinion records ..Brainstorming ...creative blockbusting...Dictums like....“You can’t have an ego in this business, but be aware that everybody has lots of them"...7 day weeks.. Friends meaning four letter words..positioning statements............creative teams and briefs-who "will weave from its plain threads the rich tapestry of flackery that envelops a big idea" and then with all the hype and hoopla ,baggage and politics- proceed to the clients side for what the industry calls as 'pitching'.. When they won it RAM and GURU had the winners grin for sure but the loosers frown, GOD knew why….So when Ram said, “why not we put the sofa in the garden?” Guru tried not to look at him with some thing new to say or better idea to suggest because he knew how things worked here, in this industry and he simply listened. For guru the creative who was stuck in the post man work in client servicing, it had become the order of the day that “why not” means “do it”…
The client’s most beautiful sofa will be displayed and on it would be a gorgeous damsel in a black something with enough curves and curls exposed with a glass in her hand and suggestive looks in her eyes. Walking towards her and the sofa would be a handsome man in a white dinner jacket, also holding a glass. They will sit in the sofa and the sofa is so good that they will……well you know what…. It was literally evident where the evening was heading to and that it would not end on the front lawn for sure….The house to shoot was an issue… no good places were available and the ones who were ready weren’t good.. Or lacked the POSH look as Ram called it… The ones who said well may be we can but no trolleys.. No cameras… no light ups… if yes ok… They expected the crew to shoot from air, with cameras and lights hung from air and if possible, models too so that they don’t walk and spoil the expensive marbonites…
Ram was tense on the day of shoot but as it dawned bright he was a bit relaxed… it happened always with the guys in execution.. the concept makers sit in their plush cabins and make ideas… no matter how and how much it can be executed... Ideas in mind and ideas in execution are two different things boss...but… who cares?.
The shoot was to happen on a bright sunny day and has to happen on bright sunny day… and to Ram’s relief it was REALLY a bright sunny day… but as Guru put it, ‘it is like your temper Ram… it can change any minute…’
So it started off as a perfect day for the shoot and surprisingly the models came on time, and more surprisingly the MOTHER wasn’t there with the female model (they come not to protect the daughter, but to bargain for money,,, the lesser the costume, the higher the price)…and to Rams pleasure the house owners were courteous enough to let them use their private rooms, make up and dress change even though by that act of benevolence they deprived the local onlookers a chance to be far more interested in the shoot and pre shoot preparation…. But as they say.. it was Murphy’s day out and who can prevent something which was destined to happen???

To be continued...