Monday, January 30, 2006

an ad a day..


see the hold...?

Friday, January 27, 2006

an ad a day..


a golden oldie....

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

an ad a day..


any takers??

Monday, January 23, 2006

Friday, January 20, 2006

this m'ad world

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle Eastassignment.

A friend asked, ...... "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem -- I didn't know to speak Arabic.So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"Amazing....That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well,not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Acronyms....

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS : INFerior Offline SYStems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggers Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & LackLusture

17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd

18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. PCL : Poor Computers Ltd

20. SPARC : Simply Poor And Redundant Computer' s

21. SUN : Surely Useless Novelties

22. CRAY : Cry Repeatedly After a Year

23. TUL : Troubles Un Limited

24. ICIM : Impossible Computers In Maintenance

25. TI : Tactless Idiots

26. BPL : Below Poverty Line

27. HP : Hungry people

an ad a day..


think it is BAD??

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

an ad a day..


a good one....

God !!!..was she faking????

oh ! what an entangled web we weave ,when we first learn to deceive...

Last night I got a call from an agency friend of mine...(i have non agency friends too) who wasnt able to attend my repeated calls during the week and was full of apologies for not able to do so.. The time was about 11.30, i was about to sleep after a hard days slogging.

"Tired of pitching preparations yaar".. she lamented..."and our hits are far less than the misses. We last week went to pitch for the new car account , you know the small car guy who announced a change from their current agency owing to non compatibility issues".

I got curious... having left the world of advertising when it started getting internationally and intentionally murky, such field reports keep me in touch with the industry.

"We shed all the intellectual laziness you know"- she chuckled- "for a long period and got our act together,, we pursued the account as hunters would pursue animals"..

I chuckled too, for a moment, visualising the familiar lazy gooses of agencies whiling time in the name of creativity and research.

An account review by some client is a time generally when, agencies wake up from slumber, some even from their death beds and get into action. It is a mix of comedy, politics, apathy, latenights, peeping Johnies, blame games, expectations, courage, creative oupour and a lot of celebrated humbug.Agency heads directly take charge, if the client is big,(now a days even for the smallest corporates) - lavishing his divine charm and diplomatic aristocrazy-- people are given special charges.. even expertise from outside is hired if needed so(if the agency have not experienced/worked for similiar accounts)..individuals are identified for specific tasks..research guys spring in action,questionnares and key boards,assuming, tabulating concluding what the consumers need , want , demand...media guys burn their midnight and early morn oil to find some media where the new ads(assuming that the account is won) could be placed..Vox pops.. field interviews..focus interviews... dealer opinion records ..brainstorming, ...creative blockbusting...Dictums like....“You can’t have an ego in this business, but be aware that everybody has lots of them"...7 day weeks.. Friends meaning four letter words..positioning statements............creative teams and briefs-who "will weave from its plain threads the rich tapestry of flackery that envelops a big idea" and then with all the hype and hoopla ,baggage and politics- proceed to the clients side for what the indusrty calls as 'pitching'..

"We got the big idea.. we cracked an amazing one" -she continued

"mmmm"... I listened with patience.

"How big is your family? that is the idea..in which the small family in the small car is shot in different locales and shown.. to demonstate how the car becomes an essential part of the family"

"Not bad"- I commended.

"Exactly'...she said .."and that is what they also said"...

"Then"...I threatened her stony silence..

" Then what .. liars.. scoundrels..that was a ploy...you know they didnt drop their agency,they stole all the ideas that we dumbos, gave them in the pitch"....she wailed..." and now my guys tell me that the 'How big is your family ' idea will soon appear on screen and in print with their tag"..

"Amen" ..I managed to say as I gasped for breath.

" We are blacklisting them"..she muttered.."never again, we will try or work for such bad clients"

"Thats good"- I said- "may be now you can start a new agency with tired old people and try again"

******************************************************************
If you try and dont succeed ,cheat.. repeat until caught..then lie..

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

an ad a day..














now that is creative use
of media..kudos ariel..

Monday, January 16, 2006

an ad a day..


howzzzzz thatttttt?

Hire the star..Rent a bath tub..

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son.

Michael says "Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?"

The Doctor says "At least wait till he is walking Michael!!"

**********************************************


My apologies if it did offend any one any way, but today let me talk about celebrities and their influences in advertising- good and bad. No doubt ,this has been the most discussed topic in advertising, and yet it leaves more room for discussion. Remember ,the three celebrity M's of pepsi and the harm they did- Mike Tyson, Madonna and of course Micheal Jackson. Remember Britney spears..Inside home... remember Ajay Jadeja and Mohd Azharudin...

The negative impact transferred to the brand by an erring celebrity ,who endorses the brand would be immense and yet celebrities galore.

Why?

The answer is so very obvious.

Endorsements are the easiest route to breaking clutter in brand communication , and among the four main type of endorsers(Celebrity,Common man,CEO,Expert) celebrity is the easiest.Hire a star, prepare a story around him or her, however unrealistic it may look and sound like, and impose it on "caught unawares "audience.

I have no alternatives for celebrity endorsements, i should admit.From my conviction that i hold as an active member of the target audience group as you call it, if not as an advertising professional, i know there is a, there should be a, better way of using celebrities.

For example-Amitabh Batchan endorses/d Nerolac, Reid and Taylor,ICICI,Versa ,Dabur and what not..Now if i have to associate the star with one brand(that is what the advertiser wants the TG to do....right?) which one would i do? Sachin appears for manythings regardless of his knee and neck injuries, whether he finds time to play or not, that is .With which brand should i link him and remember the brand ,so that next time i need one in that category i will buy the Sachin's brand?

Clearly, this dumping of brands over the celebrity shoulders is not fair- to the celebrity, to the audience and certainly not to the advertiser(the client).. but having seen advertising from within, I cannot pass all the brickbats to the agencies. Of course lack of fresh ideas make dumb agencies, and even smart agencies in dumb situations choose the celebrity route.The justifications are many- they differentiate(remember Kapil dev and 'palmolive da jawab nahin') ,they break clutter(Amir did it with the Thanda mathlab) ,they make even commodities look smart(Sreedevi's dance inside the Cema Bulbs made the bulb famous),they stand for the brand's personality(AB and dabur in its new form of the 'traditional yet modern old man'). But all these logic not withstanding, the clients also become reasons for bad usage of celebrities in advertising.For instance when competition heats up, when "A" soap ropes in "X " star, the agency handling "B" soap account will be subjected to immense pressure to retaliate with 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth' policy. Worst , some clients(the men at the clients side) in their towering vanity love to rub shoulders with the stars and glitteratti, and simply that becomes a logic why a star would endorse a product.

As a good friend remarked, the case is very obvious in the 'Bank Of Baroda 'ads.. so much of ado about nothing.. what is Rahul Dravid doing there? Does he make any difference? Does he connect? History has proven that celebrity appearing and ga ga uing about the brand may not make any impact at all ..Tamarind and the brauhaha may be remembered at this instance, and Brands like colorplus which stood the test of times, braving competetors and resisting the Khans of the world should be given a 'bravo'.

Think SRK in the bath tub . Poor thing, to be decent and to say the least

And in any case i have some common sense left in me. I would not buy a refrigerator simply because Tabu tells me that there is some magic ..whatever in it, nor would i buy a car because i wont be gullibile enough to swallow a claim that Sachin makes when he says he drives a Palio.

I would change from Airtel to Hutch ,at the earliest possible chance simply because the way they connect with me is amazing.

I would, but , make every attempt to dissuade my wife..an adrent Lux fan ,from buying the "in between" brand and look funny...

How much would have O&M paid the dog and the boy?

And one last time ....How much would have JWT paid SRK and the geriatric battalion that surrounded him around the bath tub?

Friday, January 13, 2006

take a break

Dear all,

im taking a break ...in the meanwhile -happy blogging!!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

an ad a day..


a classic.. typical Bill Bernbach style.

'simple'y amazing

vinash kale vipareet budhi..

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

"I don't know, and I don't care."


" Consumer goods heavyweight Hindustan Lever (HLL) has pulled out its ayurvedic brand - Lever Ayush - from the traditional retail channel following a recent brand review. The existing inventory of the brand has been largely exhausted through `buy one, get one free' promotions during the recent months. Launched in '02 to take on competitors like Dabur, Himalaya Drug Company and Ayur in the growing ayurvedic and herbal segment, the brand did not catch the fancy of consumers.The Lever Ayush range included shampoo, hair oil, cough syrup and Headache Roll On. . The company had tied up with the Coimbatore-based Kerala Arya Vaidya Pharmacy to provide technical know-how and authenticity Ayush needs, given that HLL did not have any background in ayurvedic products. HLL hoped that the brand would be able to cash in on the double-digit growth rate recorded by the Rs 2,000-crore Indian healthcare market.Analysts say that the company did not handle the launch very efficiently. HLL had planned to promote Ayush on three fronts - increasing penetration through home-to-home sampling, foraying into several new ayurvedic segments and making it one of the most visible brands on the advertising front.The company had targeted annual sales of Rs 200 crore in 2-3 years since its launch in '00. However, according to market estimates, HLL's turnover is not more than Rs 30 crore. The 'push' route of direct selling rather than the `pull' one, which would call for more advertising spends. The company has cleared the existing inventory in the market through promotional offers and now Ayush will no longer be there in the super store shelves."

I had been wondering in the last one month or so ,ever since I saw the new Clinic plus ayurvedic (with good advertising ,i must admit but not so good a product), what is Lever up to?.Through out the world Lever is known for its confusion, mainly a result of brand acquisitions and take overs, which in turn is a Lever tool for killing competition.

Lever does strange things ,and with celebration- from the Two chairmen system to the brand profligacy, and late realisation of it and power branding and later the withdrawal of powerbranding and...the list is endless .They have in long years of existence created many brands- best ones, good ones and poor me too's.....Lintas ,their Inhouse ad agency (which later got its independence) had a big role to play in whatever Lever has done in the past.They almost single handedly cluttered the FMCG market and then started crying "clutter clutter".It is rather, to quote James B.Twitchell, a doctor complaining about how 'frantic' a patient is, after he has shot him full of adrenaline.

No doubt Lever has been the Joan De Arc in the struggle between Commodification and Marketing , between 'use value vs concoted value' ,as John Reed has put it but that doesnt justify the confusion which Lever seems to be perpetually in.....Ayush (the nashak, rakshak ,poshak ) series was a wonderful extention, which was amazingly Indian, had the authentic ayurveda tag(which people beleived because of the Kerala ayurvedic pharmacy association),and most importantly was not a me too idea..With the new variant from Clinic plus( ayurvedic+ clinic plus is a misnomer for me and i see a withdrawal very soon) Ayush looks irrelevent. but the fact is that the new variant is a step to phase out Ayush.. then why Ayush came into life in the first place? Why not a clinic plus variant then?

And what is Chlorophyll Brand & Communications Consultancy Private Limited saying? Werent they not in complete charge? Who mislead.. the researchers? Or was it that Lever got carried away with the common marketing mistake that the product is the hero and the 'best product wins' and thereby ignoring the plain fact that there are no best products ,only illusions?

The rise and fall of Ayush pains me as a classic case of differentiate and die.....

Any listeners???



Footnote: Genuine ignorance is... profitable because it is likely to be accompanied by humility, curiosity, and open mindedness; whereas ability to repeat catch-phrases, cant terms, familiar propositions, gives the conceit of learning and coats the mind with varnish waterproof to new ideas. ~John Dewey

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

an ad a day..




an answer for the blooger from Italy who said Indians are anything but creative..

senile you ,not me...

Advertising is the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it



The latest Maruti exchange offer ads are the point of discussion today.I would classify it as a good idea, lacking somewhere in execution. It definitely would have beenbetter, but for the haste. Well that is not the point of discussion today. The ad done by capital advertising(? ) augurs well with the concept" when i bought it was good ,even now it is, but... you know ..so i need an exchange".But my worry is way they have road blocked different media slots, to make sure that the TG has no way to escape fom the ad. I would like to call it 'carpet bombing' , the way it appears repeatedly in a channel slot after slot, and when you change the channel in utter frustration, the same thing happening in the new ,changed channel.It is , to put it simply, making fun of the target audience, and media planners in their attempt to build the OTS( oppurtunities to see) make the brand look funny, like a joker, a mere pantaloon.

It is disgusting to see how media planners and media strategists sitting in their ivory towers impose such mindless repetition on poor TG and making sure that OTS is happening.Most of the so called planners(i bet 95 % of them dont even see TV..irony, but true)This process is a typical case of selective amnesia where the fact that repetition builds OTS( or frequency) but may not build brand preference, and worse in some cases may also result in brand non- preferenceis comfortably forgotten.....

Repetition irritates, and particularly so when the ad idea and the execution is a question mark on the common sense of the TG. I remember a salt brand named Dandi, which went on similiar carpet bombing, in a worse form of pseudo scientific copy, where it told us, poor Indians ,that we should have Dandi salt to make sure that we are not idiots and impotents.I remember an ex colleague of mine from the ad industry quipping" With or without this salt we never had such a problem . did we?"

Maruti had done better advertising before.The two kids walking into a show room with their toy cars,seeing the display"old cars exchanged here"and shocking the shop manager...wasnt it good?...It was for Maruti true value, and it did work...

May be there are many who do the same crime with the TG and the Client, i noticed this and i wanted to react.

Just remember, mindless repetition is a symptom of senility...

Eid mubarak....

Monday, January 09, 2006

an ad a day..


smart way to use out doors... are you listening Indian outdoor guys?

Who moved my client?


Again a media report... this time from agency FAQ'S....

Hindustan Lever (HLL) has awarded the Liril account to advertising major McCann Erickson, taking it away from Lowe India (erstwhile Lintas) in a keenly-contested pitch.

Can you believe it?

The freshness soap from the HLL stable, which has stayed back with Lowe India for the past 30 years ever since the time it was launched in 1975, was not just any another ad account for the agency. Having started its life as Unilever's in-house agency (Lever International Advertising Service was set up by Lever Brothers way back in 1920s), Liril was as much a part of the Lowe's own signature, what with the brand's iconic girl-under-the-waterfall imagery crafted by advertising guru Alyque Padamsee.The movement marks a landmark turn in the brand's history as Liril owes its success as much to Lowe, as to HLL's reputed marketing acumen. Last year saw a dramatic change in Liril's advertising (which emphasised on freshness, youth and exuberance), when the waterfall girl was replaced by a young couple in a naughty mood with a slow humming jingle 'l-ee-ra-ee-ra'. Prior to taking this drastic turn, the brand had experimented with girls dancing in jungles, deserts and on glaciers, introducing models like Preity Zinta and Deepika Padukone. However, people and the industry still associate Liril with the original magic it created with the waterfall ad (still felt to be a clutter-breaking association with the brand, even though a tad jaded one) featuring model Karen Lunel in a lime green bikini frolicking under a waterfall in the late 70s that got the brand sales rocking.Along with advertising, the brand has launched a couple of variants like orange, soft aloe vera and lemon, icy cool mint, in the last few years to fight saturating growth rates that have been plaguing the category as a whole.

Now.. did some one predict it?

Could there be a better example of fallen client agency relation?

I shudder to even think of a Liril outside the LOWE Umbrella but it is done and is true.

What happens to the brands heritage? I mean the one which visionaries of Lowe and HLL had carefully cultivated..

I guess it was lost the day when Liril and Lowe decided to replace the waterfall and girl concept (may be they got bored even before the TG ...)with 'naughty intimacies among married couples',
as one Lever communication at that point of time put it.

The naughty.... whatever ads werent 'Liril like', whatever the words mean to you..with the la la la pushed to the background somewhere,the water drop in thethe female body replacing the waterfall, as if they want it not to be heard and yet heard,they want it to be seen and yet not seen. A case of indecisiveness in the communicators side as to how the TG is going to react to the change.

The couple looked anything but Indian, the new 'Lemon+aloe vera' stuff wasnt the same as the lemon freshness stuff, The red chilly which the lady was biting gave a feeling of "hotness"and would have been better for condoms rather than "liril' which stood for "coolness'.

Lowe has lost its direction?.. i may be a small fry to comment on that but one thing is sure.There were clear warning signals that things are in a bad shape...the transition from the Bindas Lintas days, to the new Lowe reincarnation the agency havent got stripped naked as like today.

Having lost Liril is a tragedy to say the least , for those who know Lowe....

Will Liril be the same.. will it come back from its sheen off , not so enviable a standing as of now to the good old days of glory?

That is left to Mccann, while Lowe ponders over the question...

'Who moved my client?'
********************************************
A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and 7,0000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.

"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, and i had to pretend that it was great,I put an egg in the box".

Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 25 years of marriage

Then he asked "But what about the big money?"

"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen eggs I sold them."

Friday, January 06, 2006

Let God save ......

Telephonic Conversation between William Knott and Watt Richard.

KNOTT : "Who's calling?"
WATT : "Watt."
KNOTT : "What is your name, please?"
WATT : "Watt's my name."
KNOTT : "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
WATT : "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
KNOTT : "No, this is Knott."
WATT : "Please tell me your name."
KNOTT : "Will Knott."

YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY
CONFUSED. READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...


WATT : "Why not?"
KNOTT : "Huh? What do you mean why Knott?"
WATT : "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
KNOTT : "But I told you my name!"
WATT : "Didn't you say you will not?"
KNOTT : "Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
WATT : "That's what I mean."
KNOTT : "So you know my name."
WATT : "Of course not!"
KNOTT : "Good. So now, what is yours?"
WATT : "Watt. Yours?"
KNOTT : "Your name!"
WATT : "Watt's my name."
KNOTT : "How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
WATT : "Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name
and you have not even told me yours yet."
KNOTT :"You have been patient, what about me?"
"I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not
told me yours yet."
WATT : "Of course not!"
KNOTT : "See, you even know my name!"
WATT : "Of course not!"
KNOTT : "Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
WATT : "Because I don't."
[Pause]
KNOTT : "What is your name?"
WATT : "See, you know my name!"
KNOTT : "Of course not!"
WATT : "Then why do you keep asking ,Watt, is your name?"
KNOTT : "To find out your name!"
WATT : "But you already know it!"
KNOTT : "What?"
WATT : "See, but you know mine!"
KNOTT : "Of course not!"
WATT : "Exactly!"

NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS
THEIR NAME, BUT THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME
.

KNOTT :"Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will
be your answer?"
WATT : "Watt's my name."
KNOTT : "No, no, give me only one word."
WATT : "Watt"
KNOTT : "Your name!"
WATT : "Right!"
[Pause before it hits him]
KNOTT : "Oh, Wright!"
WATT : "Yeah!"
KNOTT : "So why didn't you say it before?"
WATT : "I told you so many times!"
KNOTT : "You never said Wright before"
WATT : "Of course I did."
KNOTT : "Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
WATT : "I do not."
KNOTT : "Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
WATT : "I do not!"
KNOTT : "Good!"
[Pause before it hits him]
WATT : "Oh, Guud!"
KNOTT : "Good."
WATT : "No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
KNOTT : "No, it's Knott!"
WATT : "Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
KNOTT : "Yes Wright."

NOW THEY BOTH THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAME AS WELL !!

*******************************************************************

The following is a media report....

"LG Electronics has done yet another round of reshuffle. This time, to bring some semblance of consolidation within the portfolio. This marks a shift in MD, KR Kim's earlier initiatives of creating smaller roles under separate heads for a focused product strategy Now Anil Arora becomes Business Group Head (BGH) for Refrigerators against his erstwhile responsibility as Product Group Head(PGH) for frost-free refrigerators, and Ajay Bajaj who was heading Retail ACs (windows and split) has been promoted as the BGH for the entire AC range. The head of the fourth business group - washing machines and microwave ovens, is yet to be identified. Sources say Rajeev Jain, PGH for washing machines might get elevated as the BGH with two PGHs reporting to him.Each of these BGHs have PGHs reporting into them. PGHs earlier reported directly to the MD. In consumer electronics, Sanjiv Jain who headed audios, is now being moved as PGH for CTVs. On the other hand, Rishi Tandon will head audios and Prasanna Raghavan will be PGH for plasma display panels. "

Confusing? well it continues.. just read on...

"Meanwhile, in a related development, to align its marcom with the new internal reorganisation, LG has placed its consumer electronics and IT account with Lowe. A few weeks back, LG had also consolidated its complete Home Appliances advertising through Capital Advertising. The other agencies - O&M and McCann-Erickson - which were roped in over a year back have moved out in the fresh round of reshuffle. According to the company, the review had an objective of integrating its Colour Televisions (CTV), Flat Panel Displays (FPD's), Audios (DAV) and IT categories. The consumer electronics and IT Advertising account is estimated to be 60% of the overall advertising spends of the company. The balance is shared between Home Appliances and GSM business.Industry observers feel and hope that LG will stay on with this arrangement for some time , before jumping into other round of reshuffling"

Imagine the plight of their agencies? Any one who had been with advertising would know the importance of having less heirarchy at the client's side.. it is not only needed to make the process of advertising smooth but also for long term sustainment of relations between the agency and the client.Here O&M and Mccann are moved out in less than a year as a by product of the whole new, redesigned confusion .

We thought that only Lever(HLL in particular) institutionalised this ambiguity, ceremoniously by mindless acquisitions and mergers, shocking brand extentions and takeovers... now it seems the Korean dwarf machines will outrun the Lever like jaggernauts..

let God save.. that is if he isnt confused himself..

an ad a day..


Amazing .. to say the least

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Grow up bachee...

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will....
in a minute

*********************************************************************

There are few types of agency- client relationships.. the most familiar one being the parent- child relationship. Here (for the uninitiated) the agency tells the client to do this and do that,,, lead them, bully them, love them, pamper them.. give them logic...

Here are a few key things that your parents teach kids! Granted, most of you will say that you learned these things all on your own - but I can promise you that your parents had a hand in there, as well.

Parents proved the theory of all LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

Parents gave you the gift of FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, you never know if you'll get into an accident."

Parents were always good for teaching IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

Even before biology class parents taught you the fundamentals of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

They are always ready to suggest a career - even as a CONTORTIONIST."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

They taught that we even could control the WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

They taught us the basics principles of BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

Parents were the first to make us know ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

Parents gave you that butterfly feeling of ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

They taught us what a marvelous gift it was to RECEIVE ."You are going to get it when you get home!"

Parents studied MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

They were the first to instruct us HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

Mother was likely the one skilled in GENETICS."You're just like your father."

They were the very people that taught us WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

Long before we knew the laws of the world they instructed us in the ways of JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

and last but not least...

Loving mother and father - they taught you how to walk and talk until you were three or four, then ever after, ordered you to sitdown and shut up..

Now ....Can we apply the above model in every Client Agency Relationship?..or atleast in every Parent-Child type of relationships...? what about parents who are bullied by their kids? what about parents who treat kids like outlets of their frustration? what about kids who are dull and dumb? what about parents who are so? what about parents who are inconsistent and quarrelsome? what about kids who remain kids and refuse to grow up?what about parents who treat them as kids even after they have grown up?

Too many questions?

an ad a day..


wonderful???

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Ogilvy?.. who Ogilvy?

Never write an advertisement which you wouldn't want your family to read. You wouldn't tell lies to your own wife. Don't tell them to mine. --David Ogilvy
*************************************************************

Ogilvy said many things, about advertising and media, there exists virtually nothing about which our man have not said a thing or two. Ogilvy school of thought remains strong and the name is still a force to reckon with , in advertising. see some of them...

People do not buy from bad-mannered liars.

The consumer's not a moron, she's your wife. Don't insult her intelligence. Tell the truth, but make the truth fascinating.

Never run an ad you wouldn't want your family to see.

We pursue knowledge the way a pig pursues truffles. We prefer the discipline of knowledge to the anarchy of ignorance.

Big ideas are usually simple ideas.

Now let me share with you a mail send to me by a friend of mine who works for a front line agency in Bombay..oops.. Mumbai...

"last day i went with my team to attend a party at a clients side and the development there was quite funny. I think that would be interesting for you.
You know our salt client..he was celebrating anniversary of launch and also the release of the new sales promotion ads. Have you seen it? if you have , i know you will rape it in your next blog. But you know what? The salt guy loves it, he says the sales is going up and he is so glad for us. Now that the ads we made for him are working for his sales dont you think that you deserve an apology , for accusing us of doing nothing in this regard?"

Well... let me come out of the mail..and let me tell you about the ad... For those who havent seen it..

Here comes the typical stereotyped Indian couple to a jewellery shop.. the wife starts her frantic tantrums.. the husband looks like an idiot and behaves like one too.. silent, anxious that his wife is going mad over gold but incapacitated to stop her rampage....

Take that ....take this.. take the 6th one.. orders the wife, sweats the husband..

Pack all the six.. finally she is almost contented...

Mam.. cash or card? - asks the shocked sales man...

Boom.. takes the wife a packet of ashirwad salt and keeps it on the table..

Then the announcer promise on air...."now every pack of ashirwad salt , you have chances of winning gold"

Excuse me...but my good old friend...

Is it what advertising is supposed to do?

Isnt it a big disservice to say the least..?

Havent the Big daddies .. whom we still adore as founders of modern advertising ,set some guidelines..like for instance...."You will not fool your wife, dont try to fool mine"...

How long?

I guess i know your reply..

Ogilvy.. who?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

an ad a day..


persuasion...??

Pardon me Rooserda ----

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage ,tied him to a pillar and put his manhood in a loop and tied it in to the wall .

Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off... are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "No. You are. I'm going to lock the garage from outside and set on fire
."

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Not every ad guru accepts the theory of Unique Selling Proposition (USP) which Rooser reeves of Bates made decades ago.... Many disagree with the idea that ads should have a single and strong idea to sell successfully..

But none disagree that ads should have strong ideas to be able to sell , whatever you name it and too many ideas will bomb on the face for sure.. Remember vicco turmeric..?

USP's can be inherent in the product- can be made along with the product and then communicated through good advertisements, or can be simply 'discovered' after the product is made and before communicationis thrown on to the air. Contrary to popular perceptions the second route isnt that bad.. saw the latest G4H ad's ? ,which are making Kaliappa Chettiar laugh like never before..( Mr. Chettiar owns Sri kaleeshwari mills which is the proud owner of Goldwinner, the cooking oil brand)..but USP' which the ad agency discovers for and on behalf of the client ,many times do back fire.. synclova 5's made it then but today people are less idiotic.

Listen to this...

Samm Sinclair Baker in his classic 'The Permissible Lie ' told us this story..

In a typical meeting, a client told his agency men... "our canned item is slipping in sales.We need some new exitement in the advertising. we are going to redesign the label to give it a NEW look. so come up with a New improved campaign with lots of big - big promises.. move fast"..

Some one asked- " any thing new or improved inside the can?"

The client glared."what the hell kind of a question is that? I would have said so if we did that..only the looks will be NEW..Whose side are you on anyhow?

The questioner wasn't on any side very long.He was fired from the agency.

Now hear this...

"You saw this"- yelled the creative guy- " fair and whatever has come up with fairness granules... what a proposition..now they are gonna make more airhostessess... God we are gonna sink"...

"And see this"- cried another guy- "fairfever guy has come up with" fairness enzymes" ...

"Goodness gracious.. what are we going to do? Our farfairest will definitely want to retaliate"..

"Let us discover a USP for him.. ummmmm" .. said the strategy guy.....what about fairness microbes?"

"Yuck"-said one guy- "it irritates..it gives me creepy feeling.. a negative image"..

"Is it? then how about' fairobes' ? "

"Wow.... wonderful"-said many

"but what is fairobes?-asked one

"who knows and who cares"?... that will be farfairest' s USP here after..

"forgive us Rooserda"- quipped the Bengali account planner.

"And we will use it until they start sensing reality, then change it .. public memory is short."-said the branch head.

"Now shall we call the client?"

*************************************************************

Advertising has really changed our thinking. This morning my wife put on eye shadow, eyeliner and eyelashes. I said, "What are you doing to your eyes?" She said, "I'm making them look natural."

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Gods must be crazy..

Indeed they must be..

See the last one year.. most things went wrong..

Nature showed its furious worst and so were our advertising and media.....

Tsunami and rail disasters, citizens, never- knew- they- existed- rivers overtaking cities, an end to Laloo's cattle raj, the political and economic scene had all the ingredients of a third rate tragic hindi cinema..and yet the sensex soared and soared , making stars look trivial and just reachable..

New channels.. new people making and anchoring news.. old people moving into new places..Rajdeep makes it a hit everywhere including CNN-IBN ...Sony's and SAB's just to name one ..

More 'K' sops churned out from the Jeetendra clan, making one wonder whether they in their family, are like this...... women over made up and over attired ,even in their sleep,with fine practised and yet ridiculous mannerisms like the Miss Worlds and men simply idiots, always.

Cricket and the fuss and furore associated.. a prince being dethroned and in a wink of an eye , a shameless u turn , reinstated by the terrorised palace plotters...

Nawabs getting caught for indulging in their age old fun- hunting and proclaiming that "i didnt know how that animal came in my SUV".

In a big blow to the much celebrated BPO fame, an innocent girl shedding her blood..

Sachin announcing his price for the next 5 years , Sania in the news for all the good and bad reasons including her endorsements.. the HP one being the most obnoxious..

Cars like never before.. CSP's making it free for almost everyone.. Insurance boom... private banking, wealth management......

The first ever "fair and handsome" for men who had to secretly pursue "fair and whatever"s..

First time when an Indian-- (Piyush pandey'.... for the non initiated) made it to the highest jury of the advertising world as its chairman..

Coke deciding to drop the Thanda mathlab.. thing for a not so bad but .. piyo sir udake.. which fails to take forward the charm...

Surf standing tall inspite of a dangerous proclamation for a detergent brand-- dirt is good.. hats off to Balki and his team.. i wonder where are the competetors..

Sam balsara the cat, outwitting the global lions roaring louder and bagging 'the mediaplanning agency of the year 'title...

Advertising and Media dons getting exposed of their ignorance of the common man's problems.. for instance none knew how much a kilo of onion costs and yet talking of 'connecting to people...

SBI shocking us with that 'beautiful old couple' and other ads and yet remaining the same..

Indicom making it good in the North with the famous bollywood couple and yet making it pathetic with Trisha and her tantrums..

Air deccan making more people fly in unbeliveable prices and yet getting caught for being unbeleivably late and apathetic, forcing the government to issue a waring..

Lever continuing with their post Banga- during Banga- after Banga conundrum.. and now a Manwani and his would be manmani's

Bajaj really making us' feel like god'....

KBC2 and the mans come back, and Jassi getting married the same day when KBC2 was launched( not a coincidence i am sure)

The go fida fiasco.. SRK.. well we have seen it...

And the latest... Intel deciding to drop the enviable 'intel inside' logo.. why ..? we should ask Euro RSCG...

And many more....

2005 ....we have seen it all .. atleast most of them..

2006... I expect some agency to rope in the Nawab of Pataudi to be the celebrity endorser for People for animals...

Three cheers...!!!
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