It pays to Advertise !!!

The fish, it never cackles

'bout it's million eggs or so,

The hen is quite a different bird,

one egg-and hear her crow.

The fish we spurn,

but crown the hen,

which leads me to surmise:

Don't hide your light, but blow your horn.

it pays to advertise

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Why should I advertise?

Can you do business without advertising?

It looks familiar, often asked questions ,considering the fact that advertising money is spend on a virtually immeasurable platform.

See this story....

"A man lived by the side of the road and sold roasted chicken.

He was hard of hearing so he had no radio. He had trouble with his eyes so he watched no television and read no newspaper, but he sold good roasted chicken. He did however, advertise in the local newspaper telling people how good they were. He stood by the side of the road and cried, 'Buy roasted chicken sirrrrr 'and people bought. He increased his orders and bought a bigger stove to take care of his trade.

The best of adformula series....Maaji.. kahan hai meri "keo karpin"?

As published on April 04, 2006


It is a tale of an evolution, ...

Ad makers kept ads in between programmes and made life tiresome for the idiots glued to the their boxes...they got angry and then they thought of sponsoring programmes and make people less tired by" passive learning".. remember Closeup Anthakshari, and Ujala Geetmala...? Remember Rin Makalirmatrum, Pepsi Ungalchoice and Lalithavin Pattukku pattu..?

Big guys could only afford sponsoring and then came the idea of product placements. Poor things -- the hero's and heroines of our funny looking TV programmes, now would be inserting the brand names of the guys whose money has flown into the balaji's coffers, in their long dialogues..

Films set the trend... passpass and yaddein shall be remembered.. what a flop it was... I even wonder whether the film bombed on the producers face , due to his insatiable greed for money.. more money.. even more money..

Top gun and MI 2 are often quoted for its product placement wonders, and the effect on sales of such products.. but it went together well.. it was natural.. Tom cruise, the sexy hunk in an Aviator or an Oakley's, would look even more sexier and would only add charm to the story and the situation where the products appear. Thumbs up in the famous bollywood masala 'Kaante' was a natural fit, as the product espouses a macho image and so did the film....but these are clearly exceptions and not rules.....

Greed is a human attribute, no easy routes.. no escaping formulas..

But this never satisfiable appetite for money would slowly but surely make the dumbos locked on to their idiot boxes and multiplexes , realise the big game.. realise that the cinema that they had bough ticket for, is nothing but a series of ads, with some story thrown in , in between..

The day of reckoning will come when the gluttonous trio- the marketer, the agency( creative and media planning.. and now ,product placing) and the programme producer will have to ponder over the sword of Damocles that looms over their very existence....when our 'warrior with invincible swords, in mirth over the breach of walls between the editorial content and the commercial space ,would regret that they have won over uninhabited lands...

In the mean while let me see the latest edition of Kyonki Beti Bhi Kabhi Maaji Banegi....

The heroine appears on screen..

Maaji---she cries...

Han beetiji--- appears the old maaji

Aap ne meri keo karpin dekhi?-- laments the over made up heroine

Nahi to beti ji-- replies maaji...main to apna Dabur amla kesh tel hi istemal karti hoon...

Buaaaji--- appears the young trendy metro sexual grandson ji ,who bumps like a rubber ball

Mere Pulsar dtsi bike ki chabi kahan hai..? ---asks the lad

Muche to nahin pata---replies the Buaaji--I think it is near to my Pudin hara bottle.. dekho..

Now tell me guys... how long this will go on...

You can fool every one for some time, some for ever.. but not every one forever..

Expect the unexpected- Part I (the best of Adformula series)

If you can't write your idea on the back of my calling card, you don't have a clear idea. ~David Belasco

The client sold chocolates and candies...and was good in that...We ( My second agency which took me to Europe) handled the creatives and the going was smooth..they werent a trouble making client ..No IKE 's.. no shocking surprises... no tantrums.. a dream client....

They came up with a new type of candy which would cause a "revolution" as per their brand manager ..It was as normal as any other candy form out side and when one starts eating but as you go in.. voilaaaaaaaaa it rocks..it turns sour...funny...shocking.. and then slowly you start liking it...that unconventional taste of this new candy starts slowly tickling you, and by the time you finish it you fall in love with it......oooppppssss..... you even feel that all those sweet candies which you had been having all these years were bland and insipid.The agency went celebrating...the product as described by the client ( for every crow and for even a crow, its baby would be the most charming, the most attractive thing in the world).. and before we guys could troop to the nearest bar for the success that was going to be ours ( the ad guys are bad guys---we celebrate the success that may come, will come , most likely come, shall come ,is coming, come, ohhhhh it didnt come...anything is a reason to celebrate..), the client gave the One liner that was what was going to be the brief....

'Expect the unexpected'...It said simply...

The brains cluttered together, confused, confessed and confined, astray and astute, wild and vivid, varied and voracious, vocal and vociferous....everyone thought thought and thought..but nothing evolved except crap and holy crap......Finally the one evolved, did so from a junior client service guy who had just joined, who had an Egyptian father and a Danish mother ( he looked like Menses 2 the Pharoah of Egypt..and we called him MUMMY...) it was some story which some one somewhere had told him which had this climax.....

It was simply stunning....

To be continued...
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As originally published on July 31, 2006 and republished under best of Adformula series...!

Ad Funda --- Account review

Account review is by definition ,the process undertaken by an organisation to review the quality of service that it is getting from its ADVERTISING AGENCY ,with a view to determine whether it can get better or more profesisonal service from that agency OR A NEW ONE .The phrase often in practise disguises an ardous, tedious and tiresome (and costly too) process that is emotionally disturbing and draining , the end of which a winning agency is selected...

There is no standard set of rules and do's and dont's as to how to conduct an account review. Accounts( clients) generally compile a list of outside agencies ( the ones with which they are not already doing business) and scan their work to know their expertise, experience and reputation. They can also include other agencies that are handling their other brands( one client like LEVER has many brands and each brand is dealt with a different agency in a system called 'Roster') and ask them to pitch for the brand whose advertising is in review. the incumbent agency is required to fight against all these new ones...Questionnaires are sent out, a lot of discussions with peers of the marketing world happens and some 4-5 agencies get shortlisted for the final game called as 'pitching'. The end of which in theory clears the air, but in practise again more vagueness remains...

Dissatisfaction with a client or turnover in the chief-marketers/brand manager's post at the clients side may cause a review but in some cases it happens as a routine also.. yet other cases as I have seen the Marketing team would be glad at its agency but the others will have a problem that will lead to a review !... In the first scenario, the decision to participate in the review is one heck of a pain for the incumbent agency because the chances according to some studies, to hold back the account is just 10%...

As some one said..

"if you have a shitty relationship, and the business goes up for review, it’s going to be difficult to suddenly become something great for them from that starting point.....If the relationship is good, then, of course, you defend it with everything you’ve got.”

And shitty it will be unless the relation has been total, permanent, and equal.....

The famous case of Crispin ,Porter & Bogusky getting back with 'thanks but no thanks' when Volkswagen invited its agency of four years to repitch its $200-million-plus ad account last month, raised many an eyebrow........ the agency logic :-“As a rule, we do not participate in reviews for our current accounts, and this will not be an exception.” The outsider may be a little perplexed at this refusal to DEFEND its creativity but for the agency it is a question of pride ,made to look like practicality. The raised eyebrows because, declining to defend when the consequence is waving goodbye to a fat and prestigious ad budget in a poor economic environment is simply and audacious statement that an agency makes... critics apart, when the pitch and review is unjustified from the agency point of view, then why the farce of a pitch and presentation again....?

And when the fact is that nine out of 10 times, defending is a waste of time and money the incumbent agency either says a 'thanks but let me go', or participates 'for the heck of it'... If the agency has failed to demonstrate its value in a way the client appreciates during their normal relations,then when a review happens, you’re staring from a much deeper hole than the bright shiny new objects of desire that a pitch offers....

Some times ( or is it too often ?) the clients go over board to review and review ,again and again in vain attempts to shift the blame and balls for its own failures or simply to proove 'who is the boss'..... the recent case of 'Reckitt Benckiser forcing Euro RSCG (my former agency), its incumbent global agency, to defend a chunk (the Nurofen account) of its £800 million advertising business twice in last four months.....!!!

As they say..."What counts in making a happy relation is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."

***************************************************************

For a related article click here .......................

The technology flooded customer.. (the best of adformula series)

How information savvy are you?,,,,

How saturated are we with flow of information?....

Or is saturation a light description of the "how' things are as of now...?



A study ,which I read in some news a month back ( may be it has become outdated by now...), says an average Indian who lives in a metro and who has access to all the communication tools of the day..the "infosexual" ...( eureka,,, eureka.... I have got the term...) gets around 7ooo + information criscrossing his brain on any given day ( Dr Paul MacLean as quoted by Micheal Heppel- says "the brain is a triune brain ie :- with three parts... The Reptilian brain, the limbic system and the neo cortex....")OOOf was it too complicated.?.

Any way it doesnt matter....So the point is... all those information making the receiver go MAD--- Message A Day Index as the communications industry has "aptly" named the phenomenon......Information deluged human beings,attend selectively, distort lavishly and retain sparingly....Voila.... poor Marketing comunicator ( read advertiser....)..how do you make sure that your communication stands above the deluge..like the great arch by Noah...Be creative...In
creative content as well as choice of media....

See one example here..it is brilliant..eh? ..the friskies outdoor actually carries food for the birds...now can any one simply ignore that...MAD or bad ..such creative stuff hits the TGBe bold and different.... saw the &*%$ sucker ad..? the idea is simple..Dowry is the dirtiest word..any other word,,,even the dirtiest of swearing, would become a day to day lingo in comparison...

bold and beautiful ..aint it?

Now whats the lesson....for an academic couchpotato it is easy to advise..right you ad guys out there..?

It is easy to play from the gallery ...but right in the field the heat will burn your ass right...?


But I belong to the TG... and I will see u only if u want me to see u.. talk to me in my language...Got it... or are you caught in the deluge... deluge of vanity...?

(This article is published again under the best of adformula series and was originally published on June 19, 2006)

Maaji.. kahan hai meri "keo karpin"? ..

The best of adformula series....

It is a tale of an evolution, ...

Ad makers kept ads in between programmes and made life tiresome for the idiots glued to the their boxes...they got angry and then they thought of sponsoring programmes and make people less tired by" passive learning".. remember Closeup Anthakshari, and Ujala Geetmala...? Remember Rin Makalirmatrum, Pepsi Ungalchoice and Lalithavin Pattukku pattu..?

Big guys could only afford sponsoring and then came the idea of product placements. Poor things -- the heros and heroines of our funny looking TV programmes, now would be inserting the brand names of the guys whose money has flown into the balaji's coffers, in their long dialogues..

Films set the trend... passpass and yaddein shall be remembered.. what a flop it was... I even wonder whether the film bombed on the producers face , due to his insatiable greed for money.. more money.. even more money..

Top gun and MI 2 are often quoted for its product placement wonders, and the effect on sales of such products.. but it went together well.. it was natural.. Tom cruise, the sexy hunk in an Aviator or an Oakleys, would look even more sexier and would only add charm to the story and the situation where the products appear. Thums up in the famous bollywood masala 'Kaante' was a natural fit, as the product espouses a macho image and so did the film....but these are clearly exceptions and not rules.....

Greed is a human attribute, no easy routes.. no escaping formulas..

But this never satisfiable apetite for money would slowly but surely make the dumbos locked on to their idiot boxes and multiplexes , realise the big game.. realise that the cinema that they had bough ticket for, is nothing but a series of ads, with some story thrown in , in between..

The day of reckoning will come when the gluttonous trio- the marketer, the agency( creative and media planning.. and now ,product placing) and the programme producer will have to ponder over the sword of democles that looms over their very existence....when our 'warriors'with invincible swords, in mirth over the breach of walls between the editorial content and the commercial space ,would regret that they have won over uninhabited lands...

In the mean while let me see the latest edition of Kyonki Beti Bhi Kabhi Maaji Banegi....

The heroine appears on screen..

Maaji---she cries...

Haan beetiji--- appears the old maaji

Aap ne meri keo karpin dekhi?-- laments the over made up heroine

Nahi to beti ji-- replies maaji...main to apna Dabur amla kesh tel hi istemal karti hoon...

Buaaaji--- appears the young trendy metrosexual grandson ji ,who bumps like a rubber ball

Mere Pulsar dtsi bike ki chabi kahan hai..? ---asks the lad

Muche to nahin pata---replies the Buaaji--I think it is near to my Pudin hara bottle.. dekho..

Now tell me guys... how long this will go on...

You can fool every one for some time, some for ever.. but not every one forever..

*******************************************************

also see my other blogs....chicken curry and continuousconfusion....

The best of adformula...and the winner is......

This is based on an actual experiment conducted in U.K.

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly.He has no idea why.However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.

Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. still none of them attempt to climb the ladder.

All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why........

Interesting ...eh?

Years ago when I still were in advertising, a colleague of mine told me a similiar story...

It was a nice office ..'cool' guys and gals ..friendly and cozy... but it had one weakness...to use an oxymoron- it had a strong weakness...

Jealousy with its ugly multi headed dreadness wandered around hissing and fuming spiting venom ... and particularly so when some body had done something good or great and had been rewarded..

One guy got the best employee prize for once ( it was a quarterly prize) and boom again ..for the second consecutive time..

Sacrilege...cried the crowd....

Blasphemy.... thundered his 'friends' and colleagues.....

He is a spy... I have seen him many times with Sharmila at odd hours ( Sharmila was the boss- the Vice president and -brands services director)- said one..

He &*%$ 's her, may be.. opined one...

What is the criteria... I demand to know..I am going to write a protest letter to the chairman in Newyork... spake the creative guru, caressing his beard..

&^%$ him guys.. that bastard.........

Poor thing ..the best employee, for what ever reasons he got it, he got it and with that got out of the agency... the monkeys there wouldnt allow him to pluck the banana... and it continued inspite of his leaving, and two years after his leaving too, when i landed up as a client servicing guy, my immediate boss told me the same thing...


Work hard ...he said... aim for the best, and if you plan to quit, target the best employee award....


And with no HR practices and policies in place , will advertising ever become what it should be...?

The best of Adformula----Maaji.. kahan hai meri "keo karpin"?

As originally published on April 04, 2006

It is a tale of an evolution, ...

Ad makers kept ads in between programmes and made life tiresome for the idiots glued to the their boxes...they got angry and then they thought of sponsoring programmes and make people less tired by" passive learning".. remember Closeup Anthakshari, and Ujala Geetmala...? Remember Rin Makalirmatrum, Pepsi Ungal choice and Lalithavin Pattukku pattu..?

Big guys could only afford sponsoring and then came the idea of product placements. Poor things -- the heros and heroines of our funny looking TV programmes, now would be inserting the brand names of the guys whose money has flown into the balaji's coffers, in their long dialogues..

Films set the trend... passpass and yaddein shall be remembered.. what a flop it was... i even wonder whether the film bombed on the producers face , due to his insatiable greed for money.. more money.. even more money..

Top gun and MI 2 are often quoted for its product placement wonders, and the effect on sales of such products.. but it went together well.. it was natural.. Tom cruise, the sexy hunk in an Aviator or an Oakleys, would look even more sexier and would only add charm to the story and the situation where the products appear. Thums up in the famous bollywood masala 'Kaante' was a natural fit, as the product espouses a macho image and so did the film....but these are clearly exceptions and not rules.....

Greed is a human attribute, no easy routes.. no escaping formulas..

But this never satisfiable apetite for money would slowly but surely make the dumbos locked on to their idiot boxes and multiplexes , realise the big game.. realise that the cinema that they had bough ticket for, is nothing but a series of ads, with some story thrown in , in between..

The day of reckoning will come when the gluttonous trio- the marketer, the agency( creative and media planning.. and now ,product placing) and the programme producer will have to ponder over the sword of democles that looms over their very existence....when our 'warriors'with invincible swords, in mirth over the breach of walls between the editorial content and the commercial space ,would regret that they have won over uninhabited lands...

In the mean while let me see the latest edition of Kyonki Beti Bhi Kabhi Maaji Banegi....

The heroine appears on screen..

Maaji---she cries...

Han beetiji--- appears the old maaji

Aap ne meri keo karpin dekhi?-- laments the over made up heroine

Nahi to beti ji-- replies maaji...main to apna Dabur amla kesh tel hi istemal karti hoon...

Buaaaji--- appears the young trendy metrosexual grandson ji ,who bumps like a rubber ball

Mere Pulsar dtsi bike ki chabi kahan hai..? ---asks the lad

Muche to nahin pata---replies the Buaaji--I think it is near to my Pudin hara bottle.. dekho..

Now tell me guys... how long this will go on...

You can fool every one for some time, some for ever.. but not every one forever..

The best of Adformula.... Grow up bachee....

Grow up bachee...
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute

*********************************************************************

There are few types of agency- client relationships.. the most familiar one being the parent- child relationship. Here (for the uninitiated) the agency tells the client to do this and do that,,, lead them, bully them, love them, pamper them.. give them logic...

Here are a few key things that your parents teach kids! Granted, most of you will say that you learned these things all on your own - but I can promise you that your parents had a hand in there, as well.

Parents proved the theory of all LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

Parents gave you the gift of FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, you never know if you'll get into an accident."

Parents were always good for teaching IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

Even before biology class parents taught you the fundamentals of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

They are always ready to suggest a career - even as a CONTORTIONIST."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

They taught that we even could control the WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

They taught us the basics principles of BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

Parents were the first to make us know ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

Parents gave you that butterfly feeling of ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

They taught us what a marvelous gift it was to RECEIVE ."You are going to get it when you get home!"

Parents studied MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

They were the first to instruct us HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

Mother was likely the one skilled in GENETICS."You're just like your father."

They were the very people that taught us WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

Long before we knew the laws of the world they instructed us in the ways of JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

and last but not least...Loving mother and father - they taught you how to walk and talk until you were three or four, then ever after, ordered you to sitdown and shut up..Now ....Can we apply the above model in every Client Agency Relationship?..or atleast in every Parent-Child type of relationships...? what about parents who are bullied by their kids? what about parents who treat kids like outlets of their frustration? what about kids who are dull and dumb? what about parents who are so? what about parents who are inconsistent and quarrelsome? what about kids who remain kids and refuse to grow up?what about parents who treat them as kids even after they have grown up?

Too many questions?

My Girl is Slightly Pregnant

Originally published on 21 st Nov 2005>>>>>>>>>>

In 1969, Samm Sinclair Baker( yes ,the guy whom the then ad world called an "ungrateful dog") wrote and published "The permissible lie", which simply exposed the world of advertising.It shocked the world.. The plain speak which stripped ad men thread bare, was nothing short of a blasphemy, but even after decades nothing much has changed.... advertising ,observers accuse, still remains the same.. the same duplicity and pretensions galore...

Who are to blame for this state of affairs ? who will bell the cat..?

Much has been researched and written about advertising and its ill effects in the society.Advertising, “is the rattling of a stick in the swirl bucket of capitalism ” said George Orwell. It has been blamed as responsible for all the ills of the society.Even I( "even" because advertising had been my profession and passion, even now) do accept that it contibutes to the negatives, but it contributes along with others like cinema and internet. Can they be banned because they have bad effects too? The option ,for advertisers will be to stick on to truth as far as possible.. say truth, even hide unpleasent truths but never say a lie...

Ever since the dead and gone residents of Pompeii advertised for marriages and wine, and perhaps even before that, advertising has been the art, science and what we know it today, and what we (ok. most of us) don’t know, is, was and would be the soul of marketing activities. To put it simply, “If Marketing is a whore house, Advertising is the pimp". (For those who took it as offensive), "if Marketing is a flower, Advertising is the fragrance”.

So the customer has to be alert..The advertiser will sell the client{(the one who makes soaps)(remember the fairness granules )} and will up to an extent be bothered about the client only.One who thinks that a skin which will put coal to shame can be be transformed into something which will glow and reflect, deserves to be fooled.Any house wife who gets carried away by cleaning liquids(liquid bleaching powder added with fragrance and a brandname,for which you pay a premium price) which cleans dark, dirty lookin floors(which generally are made dirty during shoot using powdered graphite or such materials) making them glow like polished metal ,is inviting the marketer to beguile her. Any fool will get the kind of advertising he deserves.. As someone from the advertising industry quipped about "too many accusations"about "misleading advertisements" - 'if there are men to eat dog buscuit, why the hell are you barking?"

.. I dont agree fully to that piece of arrogance.But I will surely say that, the customer should wake up to the reality that no fairness creams shall make a dark skin fair.. it is simple science.
So the people who dont know this science should be fooled and marketing jaggernauts (the same giants make fairness stuff here and tanning stuff in the west) allowed to reap all the profits?

Certainly not. But 'caveat emptor' is always better. It is simple.. very few advertisers admit that they lie. " The permissible lie" as Baker called 'slight 'exaggerations- some do accept they do.but it is like admiting that "my girl is slightly pregnant". Isnt it?

Footnote: "What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public". ~ Vilhjalmur Stefansson, 1964

The Best of Adformula....

Adformula will republish the best from the 4 year old annals of the Adformula archive... The posts will appear once in a fort night and is mainly for the readers who have joined late and have not got enough time to dig in into the past....

The first post will appear on Monday (17 Nov 08)...

Keep visiting !!!