When u are wrong accept, when right--shut up !!!

O

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river,his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the river bank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see,if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ .Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. And I would have to go home with all the three...!!!!

The moral of this story : Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.......

A gentle man named Rajiv Sabharwal of a frontline advertising agency (then and even now) told me this story some years back. (Now don’t ask me.... if he was a gentleman, what the hell was he doing in advertising...)

Rajiv was an excellent story teller and I’m not, still I have to tell you this...

The client was an egoist (I bet you knew this..) and an IKE type ....... Rajiv and his team in the Account management/CS , wasn’t too happy with the type of client they had had but had to cling on for want of a better choice...Their Agency in that city had only one major client worth to be called as a client, and so it went on. The agency did a study(almost a life threatening exercise) on the feasibility of the clients produce, which was a ready to eat stuff, mostly vegetarian and traditional. The packaging was archaic, the logo was close to primitive, the mascot belonged to the stone age......

Study ..you ask.......? With so much of clear reason what is there to study?

Advertising is where clear reason has no place according to Rajiv.....and hence the study went on to find out the obvious...to unravel secrets which even the tea boy at the agency knew...to discover insights with which street kids across the agency played....

And the finding... nothing great and everything as expected...the city had grown ,it said and people have all become modern..the garb of tradition and filter coffee mania has disappeared...The young lot has taken over and old things are out.....old images......old culture......old habits... including (sigh!!!)the clients primeval produce...

The client refused to accept it..the agency was vociferous..was argumentative ( for a change..!!) Spat and squabble followed and the client won. As in marriages it is always the other party who has the last laugh finally....

The findings were replaced by something new-fangled......since the client and his primordial products couldn’t be touched, and since the agency couldn’t also blame itself for the quandary that they were in, what left was to be blamed was the consumer..it was the paradigm shift in the consumer attitudes that they got to blame...

Every one was happy.....
The client -for his football size..oops..stadium sized ego remaining untouched, even glorified...
The agency- for the extended lease of life, until the next campaign also flops and people still refusing to buy ....

It went on...

Rajiv says ...There was a hanging in the walls of the agency which after this incident he thought was the synonym for the ultimate irony in the business of advertising...

It read so...

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by Thee to ever-widening thought and action......

Rajiv says that the best lesson that the agency learnt (in a hard way of course) was that the client is always right..and when you are wrong admit it..when you are not wrong also admit that you are wrong, and if at all you are right, shut up...

Tail piece:-

 
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
 

Doctor: Next please!

The Fun Gun !!!

On a visit to the United States, Charles de Gaulle was honoured at a banquet in the White House. Seated beside his wife was an official who spoke no French, but who tried to engage her in conversation by asking

"Madame de Gaulle, what do you think the most important thing in life is?"

"A penis", she replied.

The crowd was stunt at the audacity of the guest....

Overhearing, her husband said frantically "I believe, my dear, that in English it is pronounced 'appiness."

Language and its nuances are very important in relationships.. especially between clients and their agencies...

Blast your week end folks...

The Fun Gun !!!

Seen in my local paper's "readers sales" section.

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes.
Excellent condition.
2500 Rs or best offer.

Reason for sale:- No longer required.....Got married last weekend.....Wife knows everything(!!!)

Just as some clients in advertising do or just as most advertising professionals think they do... have fun guys ... and come back for more ....

The MAD agency part 2

Continued from PART 1>>>>>>>>>>

Now what?........ was the question and no one had an answer,,,

We have to meet them up and then know what is in his mind ..lamented Ram

Can we tell em dat it is not possible? asked Guru the impossible

Tell whom what? Dream homes? Ram went mad by the easy solution that Guru was offering..

No Ram.. well leave it.. can I call Mandan Kumar and get an appointment to get screwed?

Ram had a big yawn really big one for the big bore that Mandar kumar ,the brand manager of Dream homes was,,, to win the battle was tough, to sustain the fortress seemed impossible…

Hey Guru ,,, said Ram, a bit mellowed down… let us make some alternative plans…

But what is his objection this time? Do you know that before making alternative plans? Guru spilled his frustration with no mercy...

Well let us list some reasons ....say 5 reasons that he can possibly have and have answers for that…

Ohh ya ya ya… Guru said with sarcasm… number 1. rang nahim hai… kuch maza nahim aya… now solution.. take some asian paints dealer and paint his ass,,,

Huh… said Ram…...while Guru again jumped in….. I will quit advertising soon but I swear before that I will make a clean up….

Quit and do what?

Run some brothel or a discotheque and make decent money…

Huh… U’r a sicko… said Ram…

And you are a saint… the pope Mr Mandan Kumar is waiting to declare you one… you just have to be there….laughed Guru,…

Mandan Kumar as usual looked stupid, at his office, where brands and brands where there everywhere, scattered bits of catalogues and pamphlets of all the real estate guys and builders in town flew here and there. It all looked the same for Guru, and even for Ram and that was the reason why they had given him the copy which was different and could cut through the clutter like a sharp piece of metal…

The brands guardian and the two ad agency guys who were the baby sitters, sat there for a while, with no one speaking up… Mandan was deeply into the copies that he had rejected, analyzing the stuff over and over again….

So what is new sir? asked Guru, even when Ram was queuing the right words in his mind to kick start the conversation.

New? frowned Mandan, and then keeping his thick glasses on his dirty table continued… as I told it is not striking…it is like… what to say…

Is it the color,,,, if yes… the green that we have is the correct match for the persona of our brand, and we had arrived at an agreement about that if you remember… Said Ram…

It is not the colour… said Mandan… see these kids and the dogs and the pool…

You don’t want them? Asked Guru

Well they need be there… but the kids could be better…can they?

Ahhhh.. said Ram… better in what sense…? You mean cuter?

Mandan stood up and walked to the window and stood there for some 25 seconds, staring into the road that he could see from his 7 th floor office…

Silence,,,,,

Saalaaa.. said Guru… what drama Ram? what is he some bloody devdas?

Mandan turned and produced a pic from no where as if he was a magician…

How is this kid? He asked with a lot of delight brimming…

Ram kept his strategic silence, and in such situations nothing can replace experience…

Hahahahhahahaa… the room laughed at Guru’s laughter…….. he almost fell from his chair and still he laughed,…

Ram pinched his executive but to no avail… Guru went on in full blast as Ram saw Mandan getting rose, pink and then red, as blood rushed into his wherever and anger fumed from his holes…

You call this kid cute..? hahahhahaha ......Guru had no stopping….

Ram snatched the pic in desperation to save the situation…

Ohh ya nice..... he uttered, quite unconvincingly….. you want this kid to model for the ad… its cool…. I mean its.. well,,,,

Mandan came and sat in his chair and waited for a while for the laughing gas to be quelled…

Where is this kid now? Said Ram when Mandan raised his right hand to indicate silence…

You know who is this? Mandan asked Guru

Ram kept his head down.. he wanted to run away from the room, if possible jump from the seventh floor than face the calamity that was imminent....

No.. Guru whispered awkwardly

It is my grand son you looser and now will you be kind enough to leave? Said Mandan with a grin…

Actually the kid is cute.. wow… said Guru with a stupid beam as Ram banged his head on the table…I knew that it is your grand son….actually it is...

I said get out… shouted Mandan as he jumped up from his chair and as smoke flew in the room…

Guru was alone… Ram was not to be seen anywhere,,,,,

Tail piece :- Ram and Guru lost the account for sure but got and handled better ones... How better ? Wait for more in this space...


.

The MAD agency -Part 1

While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.....
The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, telling his wife how she needs to be more responsible about her belongings.
When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."
***************************************************************
Ram panicked!!

He wanted to tell it to some one about this new googly that their real estate client ( whom they had won after a gory pitch-ing battle with other majors, minors, creative hot shops, creative labs, boutiques and who not in war with daggers and swords drawn out… ) was now throwing…

Dream homes had been a demanding client ever since Ram and team won the account for their agency who off late had been seeing a lot of client turnover and hence the wrath from their management sitting at distant Mumbai. This as usual let to a scramble for clients, big or small, good or bad… anyone who had some money that was left out after meeting their expenses was a client. Business development was a function that the client service execs were expected to do, the logic being “what to service if we do not have clients?”

Ram was a seasoned player and why not ….
As the director of client services, he had seen most of them, dealt with the good, the bad and the ugly pigs...
Had been through the whims and eccentric fancies of the clients whose demands many times had less to do with their brands in question and their future , and more to do with persons simple and stupid idiosyncrasies ...
Fought with them knowing very well that it was he who was getting dirty, and not the pig ,also knowing that the last laugh is not going to be his…
Had been tortured by the simple “change the colour demands” to “make the logo bigger” tothe worst "I Know Everything" and "what the bloody FUCK you think YOU are doing with MY brand" ? types…
Have survived his impulses to quit the gruesome thankless job were dreadful and blood thirsty clients shouted and shouted often for no reason and sometimes for foolish reasons…
Have grown above the old ramblings and grumbles as to how unrealistic clients could be….

Guru…. He shouted from his 5*4 cabin where the whole world seemed to have dumped its garbage, and from where he tried executing his ideas on strategic branding and positioning on the brands at his disposition, often in vain being shot down by the brand managers who had thousand reasons versus one or two that his team would demonstrate …

Yes Ram … pat came the reply…. I am busy in a game…

Ram banged out, just to see his protégé, Guru the CSE, who also doubled up as the BDO engaged in a serious round of bridge game with the beautiful and young copy writer trainee whose days in the agency was just handful…

What the fuck? Ram lost his temper…

Guru… Dream homes want to see us….

Bloody losers .. Guru whispered in scant attention to what Ram said …

And we will loose even that bloody looser unless we put our acts together…. Rambled Ram…

What man? Guru lost interest in his game with the gratuitous aggression launched by his senior and the belligerence with which Ram seemed to be persisting…

And what happened to the eat n pack hotel copy? Ram asked the damsel who, had by the time learned the tricks of the trade, inspired by the likes of Guru ...

Its going on …she said with a smile as Guru chucked in mirth happy at the development that the girl had in a weeks time…She had come to write and write and was happy at the writing skills that she thought she had possessed, and was even more happier to get her dream ad agency job, in spite of the pittance that she would be taking home at the end of the month….

No one works here…shouted Ram…. bloody goofers….

As he thundered back to his office Guru followed him signaling the girl to go back and pretend to be working, until he gets back and restart another game…

Now what boss.. Guru asked feigning gravity, sitting in a chair opposite Ram whose face looked like a harvested field with worries and qualms, written large as wrinkles and lines…

You look older than what you are.. said Guru in a pacifying tone… and that is because you get worried unnecessarily ….

WHAT? Ram almost stood up, this time really frightening Guru ...

Are you selling some anti ageing crème to me? asked Ram sarcastically... and what the fuck you mean unnecessary?

Guru sat grim faced, waiting for his Boss to take the actual topic….

Dream homes have sent back the latest copies that we send …. the Brand Manager says kuch masti nahim aya … kuch rang missing hai !!!

ah… guru gasped for a second and then tried for words… it was he who had at last managed to get a verbal approval of the worst client in the history of advertising ( according to Guru himself who was the frontline army from Rams team dealing with the account)…. Is that a reason Ram ?...... masti ….M%%^&&*

Anything is a reason man… why should we debate over that again? Said Ram who sank into his chair…

Now what? asked Guru…

Ram sat there like a question mark literally and figuratively …

What are the changes that they want? Asked Guru the bold, he knew the answers but he also knew he had to face it….

Every time an ad was made..right from the vague client brief dissection to ideation ,brain storming and blame storming to the execution of wild ideas, the brains cluttered together, confused, confessed and confined, astray and astute, wild and vivid, varied and voracious, vocal and vociferous....everyone thought thought and thought.. crap and holy crap evolved and some sense was churned out at last which went to the design stage......

Now to get back to the same process again was unthinkable for guru… it was a circus, a MAD one at that.....every advertising agency… the monkeys and the bears and the parrots and the lions and the ringmasters… you should live in one to know it…..

To be continued >>>>>>>>>>>

Advertising ...the art of Client Agency Relationships... (Part 5)

Continued from part 4 ....

The clients expectation pentagon!!!

2.Chronicles

The annals from the history of an agency speak volumes. A JWT doesn’t have to claim and prove again and again that the oldest one is one of the best, still. The accounts that they have made in the past, speaks. The brands, the building of which they have contributed, the number of pitches they have attended and the hit rates, no of accounts gained and more importantly, lost.
Clients, at least some of them believe that nothing can replace experience. Some others but ask for results, measurable results, the logic being no machinery bought or no human resource employed would be exempted if it weren’t productive and just looks good like a piece of antique, then why advertising should be?
The tragedy but, is that in the long duration of their existence, “most agencies, instead of keeping focused on their clients and their consumers, fell in love with themselves. Instead of boosting their clients’ sales, they hid behind their creativity; shrouding themselves in mystery and concentrating just on award winning spectacular works of art” said Sergio Zyman and that holds to be true...
For the agencies, practitioners have set guidelines, ever since agencies became professional. Treat your clients’ money as your own, thundered Subhas Ghosal but many agencies do not heed to such words of wisdom. The result – bad ads and “the backlash of silly ads is the waste of millions and the agencies and advertisers are sabotaged by their own fatuity and self indulgence. People, who buy such products don’t know what these ads are trying to say and they care less. The advertiser simply has wasted his money on frivolous profitless spasm” .

Some ad men aim the Cannes, than contributing to the clients cash register and worse, most of them try to impress other admen, or to deride and scoff them, reducing the average audience to a knuckle head, nincompoop or a clod as per Baker who exposed the then ad world in his "the permissible lie".

3.Culture

The agency culture is the same for every agency at least for outsiders. The founding fathers’ legacy is carried down through generations as the culture of the agency. Ogilvy & Mather bears the Oglivy touch in whatever they do and so do JWT. Bill Bern Bach’s simple yet piercing narrative style is professed as a religion by the agency still. JWT until the WPP take over boasted of its New England Chamber indicating the founders’ Yale roots .The first thing which the new management after the hostile takeover at 1987,was to dismantle the room, in what the industry up roared as an attack on Thomson culture says Rothenberg in the classic "where the suckers moon"...
Of course there are compromises, which make academic authors comment satirically about the different cultures of different agencies. “Like the brands they sell, agencies also usually don’t have much difference. They essentially offer the same menu to clients, and if at all some one brings in some difference, others copy just as fast” ....Ad gurus have often disputed such arguments and have projected different creative strategy and execution cultures. Peter Head of AMV said, “Our aim is to destroy that view that advertising is a commodity. It is the creation of an elusive spark of originality, which can fundamentally enhance a clients business.” .......

Even in Media part of advertising, (Media planning and buying – even though these days Media planning are handled by separate agencies under the same global communication giants) the agencies mess up, putting the clients to depths of displeasure. “Agencies supposed to represent the clients interests, instead represented the Media owners, like for instance they would block large spaces in magazines & news papers at special discounts and later filling those spaces with their numerous clients, and in the process making lot of money” .Bad culture or pedigree is what clients see in seen supposititious acts. Likewise, late payment and improper / unclear billing is a symptom of wrong genes in the agency chromosome. The longer the agency hangs on to the money that the clients give to the media via the agency, the far reaching will be the caustic effects on the CAR.

The symptoms of bad culture are many but lack of cost consciousness and an inability to handle the clients’ money as its own and wisely spend it, in many a cases forms the immediate spark leading to a divorce ...

To be continued >>>>>>>>>